Self-Confidence – Where It Comes From And How Important It Is

What does self-confidence mean? It simply means to be confident of one’s abilities and to have faith in one’s self. Let me make it clear at the start that self confidence and over confidence are two completely different things. Over-confidence would mean expecting more from yourself than you are capable of or thinking that you are above everyone else for nor real reason. Self-confidence is positive and over confidence can harm a person in many ways.

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Self-confidence is very important because people who are self-confident find it easier to sail through life in general. They know themselves better than others who may not be self-confident, they do not get influenced by other’s opinions easily, they find it easier to solve their problems and most importantly they have realistic expectations. When these expectations are not met, they still continue having faith that they will be able to achieve their goals next time. Self-confidence gives rise to a positive attitude towards everything. A person with no self-confidence, on the other hand will be very worried about the opinions of others and most often would rely on the approval of people around him in order to feel happy. People who are not self-confident feel a greater need to make people happy and those who are confident can choose more wisely who deserves to be pleased and who doesn’t.

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Are some people born confident? The answer is no. Self confidence is definitely not something that is handed over to people by nature or genes but it is something that is gradually acquired, the circumstances in which a person is brought up also determine how confident that person would be. The surroundings in which a person is brought up matters a lot in determine if he or she will grow up to be a confident individual or not. If the parents and the siblings continuously keep on telling you that you are not good or capable enough, you will automatically start believing it and that is the thinking that will continue to guide you through all your life and make things very difficult. On the other side a positive environment in the house will make a person more confident and he or she will grow up thinking that they are capable enough to deal with things themselves. Later on, the school environment makes all the difference – a strict teacher and class fellows who bully you can never help in any way. Children who get bullied at school are likely to be less confident than those who had a good group of friends in school. There are also those children who may not have a cordial environment in school but the atmosphere at home is good enough. They share things with their parents and the parents give the children confidence to deal with these difficult situations.

Parents who keep on telling children what to do and what not to do continuously and do not let them be independent may think that they are doing their children a favor but that is usually not the case. As early as possible, the parents should show faith in their kids and tell them that they are as capable of doing things for themselves as is anyone else. That would develop self-confidence in children and they will learn what they are capable of doing.

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Self confidence helps people at every step of the way – at school, in college, at work and most of all in interacting will all sorts of people on daily basis. The question is that, if someone did not get those ideal circumstances to develop as a confident person, what should they do? Are they going to lack confidence all their lives? No that is not true. One can always change oneself by following few simple methods.

1. If you judge yourself by other people’s standards, stop doing that right away. A lot of people think that it is very important how others feel about them and that makes them lose confidence in themselves because it is almost impossible to please everyone all the time. Evaluate your own actions and do not let other people decide what you are doing right or wrong. Stop looking for other people’s approval.

2. Stop comparing yourself with others. Sometimes the root cause of lack of confidence is that we excessively compare ourselves with others. Most often a person who lacks confidence thinks that those around him are better than him in more ways than one – it could be looks, intelligence, status or anything at all. Do not compare your looks or circumstances with others.

3. Do things which you think you can’t do. It can be anything – like having your say in a public gathering. Yes, that can be a big step for someone who does not have confidence enough to speak in public. Put your guards down and speak out in a where you most often would sit quietly. Doing things that you are afraid to do will help you boost your confidence, if you do so without worrying about the consequences.

4. Help your friends with their problems. You may not be able to do much with your life but it is always easy to help other people out with their problems. It is something that make you feel useful and at the same time will make you more confident about your own self.

5. Stop worrying about how you look. I agree that looking good contributes to feeling confident but it is not true for someone who feels that they can never look good enough, no matter what. Many people do not feel confident because they feel they are not good looking enough. I say, stop worrying about your looks and concentrate on what you believe is the best in you and gradually you will be more confident about your looks too.

Love Yourself. Last but not the least, learn to love yourself. Put yourself first in your life, stop doubting yourself and see your good points.

Are you a confident person? Do you think that self confidence is the key to success in every sphere of life? What do you do to boost your confidence?

Aysha Ahmed

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