Everyone gets hurt but there are certain wounds that do not heal quickly. These wounds can result from your earliest relationships as a child. They can even be an outcome of the relationships you had as an adult. Irrespective of what caused these wounds, it is really important to heal from them in order to have healthy relationships. Many people cannot have healthy relationships because they find it really difficult to heal from what hurt them in the past. Some people are not even aware of how these old wounds are affecting their present relationships.
If old habits are hard to break then old wounds are even harder to heal. The good news however is that healing these wounds is in your own hands. You might think that you will never heal from these wounds but that is not true. Many people are living content and fulfilled lives even after being hurt and wounded by those people who were closest to them.
Here are some tips to heal from old wounds so that you can enjoy your present relationships.
Accept The Past
The first step towards changing the present is to accept the past. Do not run away from your wounds, think clearly about everything you have been through in the past, and accept whatever happened. Sometimes in an attempt to move on, humans tend to be in denial. The unpleasant memories are stored away from the conscious mind even though they are constantly affecting our present life with the subconscious mind keeping us in fear and distress. The only way to heal from past wounds is to accept that they exist.
Give Yourself Time
Do not expect too much in little time. If the wounds are old and deep, they will take time healing. Have realistic expectations and take one day at a time. Understand that this might be a long journey but once you are completely healed it will be worth the effort and time you invested in it.
Self-Analysis at Every Step
It is really important to analyze your reactions and responses when dealing with people. You will have to continuously question those reactions which might be extreme. You have to ask yourself why you are reacting this way and what can you do to change. While analyzing your own actions and feelings, don’t be judgmental.
Loving yourself despite all the hurt other people or someone, in particular, put you through is really important. While you are analyzing yourself at all times, make sure that there is no self-blame involved. If you start feeling sorry for yourself because of what other people put you through, you are adding to the damage. No one is perfect and nobody has a perfect life, everyone is flawed in their own way. Learn to love yourself because if you don’t love yourself you will never be able to make someone else accept and love you for who you are. Your first and foremost commitment is with yourself, everything and everyone else in your life is an extension of you.
You are in charge of your life; you are the only one who can help yourself heal completely. No matter how someone has wounded you, if you decide to take charge and change how you react to whatever has happened to you in the past will transform your life completely. If you are hurting in a relationship, take control, and stop that person from hurting you further. Whether the hurt is a thing of the past or the present, taking control of your life will change everything. Believe in yourself more than you do in anyone else. This will give you the confidence to make things better for yourself and you will not look at others for validation.
Don’t Hide Your Feelings
When you enter into a new relationship while you haven’t healed from your past wounds, you might feel the need to constantly hide your feelings. You do not want to come across as needy or overly sensitive because you are already healing from what hurts you. Stop doing this and be strong enough to share your true feelings with your partner. Your partner might be able to assist you in this healing process if you do so. If you keep on hiding your actual feelings then your partner will be clueless and might end up hurting you even more unknowingly.
Be More Forgiving
Forgive yourself when you make a mistake while in a relationship and while analyzing your past. Most importantly forgive your partner you are currently in a relationship with. When we are wounded from our past experiences, it is difficult to forgive, and sometimes we expect more from others. Break the pattern by being more forgiving and accommodating.
You will definitely be in relationships while you are on your healing journey. When faced with a situation that triggers you mainly due to your old wounds do not react instantly. This will require great strength and determination but this is really important so that you can have healthier relationships. When faced with such a situation react only after consciously thinking everything through.
Don’t Let Your Fears Take Over
When practicing all of this make sure that you never let your fear take over. When we let our fears take over, our body has a flight or fight reaction which will result in making the situation even more complicated. When there are wounds from past relationships, giving in to fear can be difficult but this is a battle you can win if you practice every single day and eventually perfect the art of healing.
Therapy & Mindfulness
Therapy can help you figure out where these wounds come from if you cannot figure that out on your own. Sometimes relationship wounds start so early on in our lives that we do not even recognize the fact that these wounds could be so deep-rooted in your past. Practicing mindfulness also helps to heal from past wounds, it also makes the quality of life and relationships better.
Whatever you are going through right now will heal if you want the status quo to change. You are in control, take charge, and do not let other people define your life.